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28 November 2015 @ 09:19 am
Should Be Fun...  
Title: Should Be Fun...
Fandom: Avengers
Pairing: Tony / Bruce
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 1723
Summary: Tony Stark makes a surprising unplanned announcement during an Avengers press conference

Tony Stark didn’t roll his eyes, but itwas a close thing. He had promised, though, to be less derisive at least while actively in front of mass media. Still, why they still needed to do a press conference after every little international threat was beyond him. Weren’t people tired of hearing “we worked together and took out the bad guys and will do so for each future threat”, yet? Weren’t people tired of Captain America’s “justice and peace, and make sure we are a population worth saving” spiel, yet?

“This next question is for Dr. Bruce Banner,” spoke one reporter, and the novelty of such a line immediately got Tony’s attention. He tilted his head slightly, for once listening intently instead of spending the time going over mental checklists of power-ups and revisions to make to their gear based on what they encountered during this latest battle, and watched as Steve took a step back to let Bruce nervously take his place at the mic podium. “Dr. Banner, you’ve been living back in New York City for just over a year now, how have you been coping with the stressors of the big city? Is there a special someone keeping you here?”

Tony winced. Okay, so maybe people were growing tired of the usual questions and answers. He watched in second-hand discomfort as Bruce swallowed and licked his lips nervously. As far as Tony knew, Bruce was single --painfully so. The guy really wasn't one for romantic relationships, hell, he could barely handle people in general. Tony could understand that sentiment, though he definitely tended to cope with it from the exact opposite side of the spectrum. Finally, Bruce managed to stutter out a few chiefly unintelligible words. Really, they were more like awkward, unhappy puppy noises. Not good.

“I’m sorry, Dr Banner, what was that?” asked the reporter.

The room seemed to quiet further, everyone holding their breath and basking in the awkwardness of the situation. And, for a few seconds, it was as if time were stood still. It was nerve-wracking and Tony could just imagine how it was raising Bruce’s blood pressure. The situation needed to be diffused quickly… like, y’know, before the not-so-friendly giant came out to play. Tony moved to Bruce’s side and leaned across him to speak into the mic.

“Excuse me, sorry…” he started, throwing a quick glare over at Nick Fury who was standing off on the sidelines like their own special brand of mental publicist. Not much of a publicist, though, if he couldn’t even be trusted to deal with this kind of shit before it would hit the proverbial fan. “Hey,” said Tony, throwing a cocky grin out to the crowd in front of them, “Hi, everyone, thanks for coming out.  To answer your question, yeah, there’s a number of very special someones keeping our handsome Dr. Banner in town --all you lovely folk whose hides he just saved, for example.  But, if you meant, ‘Is Dr. Banner seeing anyone?’... well…”

Tony glanced back at Bruce who gave a minute shake of his head while looking like he might be sick. It was enough to make up Tony’s mind.

“The answer to that question is also, yes. He’s seeing me, actually,” said Tony, smirking as the oxygen was sucked out of the room by the vacuum his words had just created. “We hadn’t discussed whether we were going to go public, yet, so you kind of caught us off guard here.  But, yeah, we’re seeing each other monotonously --er, monogamously, rather -- same thing though, am I right? heh, heh. But seriously, it’s pretty serious.”

With that, Tony leaned back out of Bruce’s space. He grinned to himself as the baffled room took that as the cue to burst into an absolute roar of voices. Okay, so maybe that didn’t necessarily help in diffusing the green-inducing stress of the situation, but this was definitely a lot more amusing. Bruce sputtered out half-formed answers as the room continued to shout questions and camera flashes blinded them. Of all the questions rattled off from all corners of the room, though, the one that stood out to Tony, at least, was more a disbelieving statement than a question.

“But, Dr. Banner, Mr. Stark is most definitely straight.”

Tony narrowed his eyes at the middle aged reporter before pushing into Bruce’s space behind the mic once again.

“Uh, hi, sorry, me again,” said Tony, still glaring down at that one reporter who’d made the statement. “So, actually, I’m not sure who your sources are, but I’ve never come out as being straight.”

Nobody, but nobody puts limitations of what Tony fucking Stark is capable of, thank you very much. There was no way Tony was going to put up with that kind of nonsense; not with Stark Industries, not with Iron Man, and most certainly not with the publicly accepted definition of who or what Tony Stark was.

“I’ have never once said I was straight. I'm pretty sure I’ve never said I was anything other than awesome,” said Tony, eyes still narrowed, but now scanning the whole crowd with his ever-growing righteous indignation. “So, until such a time comes that I do feel the need to inform you otherwise, it’d probably be safer to assume that I swing every which way --that, or, just not assume anything.”

Tony began to move back out of Bruce’s space once more, but paused and leaned in one last time to simply say, “thank you,” in conclusion. He nodded to the audience at large and then returned to his regular spot slightly to the side of the podium. It was a good spot for him because, while he mostly refrained from being the voice of The Avengers at these things, letting that fall to Steve more often than not, he did like quick access to the mic should he ever need to give his two cents on something.

“Are there any other questions?” asked Bruce, now smirking ever so slightly and looking a bit more like himself. Tony counted that as a win.

He glanced sideways and noticed the rest of the team looking at him. Natasha had an eyebrow raised in such a way that was hard to discern between contempt or approval. Tony just smiled benignly before going back to his mental calculations as if nothing had happened while Bruce attempted to field a few more questions in the background.

The press conference lasted only a handful of minutes longer before Nick Fury finally stepped out on stage to end the whole thing, much to everyone’s relief. They filed off the stage and down the restricted access hall. Tony purposely didn’t meet Bruce’s eyes, thinking it’d be more fun to let the guy stew in the insanity of the new situation a bit longer before being made to apologize for complicating matters. No one on the team seemed to have a sense of humour about these things. He hoped that hyperactive spider kid Nick had been following lately would join the group, he, at least, seemed to 'get' Tony's jokes.

“When were you two even planning on sharing this piece of information with me?” asked Fury angrily as he grabbed both Bruce and Tony by the shoulders and roughly directed them through an open door on the left of the hall.

Okay, so the stewing idea didn’t last very long, and-- wait, did Nick actually believe Tony’s announcement?

“Well, the thing is--” started Tony, trying not to laugh right in Fury’s enraged face while Bruce made a weird choking sound like his brain was trying to reboot itself.

“No. No games, Stark,” growled Fury giving him and Bruce one more push further into the room before letting them go and shutting door behind them. “This is some serious shit, you absolute morons! What have I told you about okaying all announcements with me before making them publicly?”

“I wasn’t going to say anything, but--”

“But you have this innate need to make everything about you?” finished Fury while rubbing his fingertips over his forehead like he had a migraine coming on --maybe that stupid eye patch was too tight.

“I can’t help if I naturally pull focus,” said Tony, mock-preening. “What I was going to say, though, before I was so rudely interrupted, was that I wasn’t planning on saying anything, but they weren’t about to let up on Bruce. It’s not like any of it is actually--”

“Anyone’s business,” cut in Bruce.

“Why does everyone keep interrupting me?” muttered Tony to himself as he rolled his eyes at the ceiling. That was, before it clicked in what Bruce had just said and was still saying… because: what?

“...no one’s business but ours,” Bruce was saying with all the indignation of a sixteen year old girl told she wasn’t allowed to have her boyfriend in her bedroom.

“You don’t get it,” growled Fury, “SHIELD is not some sort of political campaign. You’re Avengers and what you say in these press conferences comes across as being the position of SHIELD as a whole. You’ve just put us squarely in the middle of one of America’s hottest political debates.”

“You’re sounding a little homophobic, Fury,” commented Tony, snidely.

“I’m pretty sure the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division can handle a little public debate over something as benign as having employed a gay couple,” said Bruce around an indelicate snort --and, yeah, if Tony were to ‘go gay’ for anyone, it would definitely be this asshole.

“Fine,” Fury spat out, “but know this; You’ve just made yourselves the fucking face of gay rights in all of America. You idiots better not fuck this up; the world’s watching. ”

With that, he left the room with the amount of dramatic flair expected of some sort of sinister Disney villain.  Tony stared after him for a few beats before turning his attention to Bruce. He raised an eyebrow as his only comment, but it seemed to do the trick. Bruce let out a resigned sigh. He leaned back against the desk behind him and crossed his arms over his chest.

“So,” he finally said, “how long do we need to be proper, loving ‘boyfriends’, do you think, before we can break it off without ‘fucking this up’?”

Tony grinned. This should be fun.

Originally posted HERE